ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Personnel decisions by the Donks so far this offseason:

Travis Henry is a tremendous upgrade over Tatum in everything except age. In the "system v. player" debate that rears its ugly head every time a new Donk starter puts up a big game, I've always been on the side of system. Face it...if guys like Olandis Gary, Ruben Droughns and Mike Anderson can go for 1000, anyone in the league can do it. None of those guys were really any good (Gary is out of the league, Droughns will soon be backing up the washed-up, overweight, fucked-in-the-ass Jamal Lewis, while Anderson is the number three back for the Ravens), but slap them in Gibbs' zone-blocking scheme and they pump out huge years. There have been two (ok fine, three, I'll give you Floyd Little you old-timey fuckers...are you happy now?) top of the line RB's on this team during it's lengthy history, TD and Clinton Portis. Now when you put a top of the line back in this system....whhhhhooooweeeeeeee! You can essentially guarantee 1500+ yds and 15 or so TD's. TD and CPo went apeshit here, absolutely bonkers. Travis Henry is no TD and he's no CPo, but he's a legitimately good back, running for 1200+ yds and 12 TD's last year for the piss-poor Titans. Look for him to have a monster year here. Projections: 1705 yds and 15 TD's. Every free agent running back should have one team and one team only in mind.

Dre Bly apparently wanted to be traded to the 'Skins rather than here, and apparently is also pissed that the team has no plans to negotiate for a long term deal before the end of the season. He should be as happy as fucking pig in shit that he doesn’t have to spend his winters in Detroit getting his ass handed to him on a platter week in and week out. He's backpedaling on it now, but we know the truth. See you in camp, fucker.

The Daniel Graham signing is a little puzzling. Does this spell the end of the Stephen Alexander era? Did Stephen Alexander even have an era? The answers are yes and no. Alexander is an all block, no catch TE, similar to how Tony Scheffler is an all catch and no block TE. Graham is of the former variety, meaning Alexander is out. Do we really need another one of these guys? The best TE in team history was all catch and no block. Run double tight sets if you really need that extra blocker, otherwise the TE should be running routes. Plus, the contract they gave this guy is flat out idiotic (5 years, $25M - $15M guaranteed).

Jake, Jake, Jake, tsk tsk tsk. Just get over it. The trade has been modified, if you retire we don't get a draft pick for you, you will not be released by the Donks - free to sign wherever you chose, you are now the property of Tampa. If you dont' file your retirement papers, you're playing for Tampa...period. For at least this season, you will play in Tampa or nowhere at all. I've always defended you, your left handed passes, your thrift store chic look, your dirty-ass hippie hair, your Grizzly Adams beard, your middle finger, your road rage and your gossip columnist rage, but this shit is just ridiculous.

The Donks really, really wanted Brad Johnson (Methuselah) or Jeff Garcia (who has a fake supermodel wife to prove that he's NOT GAY) to back up the Cut, but it looks like they'll have to settle for the poor mans NOT GAY Jeff Garcia, Patrick Ramsay. Good pick-up, if only for the fact that NOBODY will be calling for the back-up next year.

We signed a couple of middling players as well, OG Montrae Holland (who?), most recently of the Saints and FB Paul Smith, most recently of the Rams. Yeah, I've never heard of either of those guys either. Holland will compete for Cooper's slot once he signs somewhere and Smith will compete for the Kyle Johnson/Cecil Sapp spot. Whatever.

Also, Rod had old man surgery (hip debridement) last week and is out for the entire offseason program. He's going to be at best the third option next year, hopefully his last.