Friday, November 30, 2007

Al Davis is still alive...somehow.

It's Raider week, suckers. No matter what happens from here on out for the Donks, this is a must-win. Not "must-win" as in "we need to win this game to keep our pathetic playoff hopes alive." We have to win this fucking game because it's the Raiders...and I hate the Raiders. More than anything in the world I hate the Raiders. Here are some things I like more than those chumps from Baghdad by the Bay's bastard step-brother:

Getting punched in the face
Getting kicked in the groin
Taking a girl home only to discover a dick bigger than mine
People who stop for yellow lights
The Broncomania message boards
Live Free or Die Hard
Craig Ferguson
50 Cent's new album
Mark Kiszla

That's just a sampling....I could go on all day. You see, I hate the Raiders. Getting the season sweep over these silver and black clad ass-clowns would be almost as satisfying as the Broncos actually being good.....almost.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Playin' the blame game

So, who gets the lions share of the blame for the idiotic special teams failures last Sunday? The coaches or the players? Shanahan or Sauerbrun? So far this week, I haven't read at the D-Post or the RMN and I haven't watched The Mike Shanahan Show or John Lynch Live. I haven't tivo'd any of the pressers like I usually do. I just don't care to hear any explanations and I can't bear (ha!) to watch any of the fucking highlights. It was that embarrassing.

So who's to blame? Shanahan, Sauerbrun or O'Brien? Everyone's saying Shanahan. My knee-jerk reaction was known steroid abuser Sauerbrun and that hasn't changed.

The first return was defensible. OK fine, he took one back. That's what he does. He's the best ever. The second return was definitely not defensible. I have serious doubts that Shanny, O'Brien or anyone in their right mind would say "OK, go ahead and kick one high and deep down the middle of the field to this guy again." It was probably more like "Fine, kick away...but you better make damn sure you put that fucker between the numbers and the sideline." You saw the look Shanny gave him after the second return. That look said "you should consider yourself lucky I don't toss your drunk, roided up ass off the charter flight at 30,000 feet." There was pure hate in that look. There's no way Shanny authorized that kick. If somewhere in the articles and pressers it says that it was his idea to kick away to Hester, I don't buy it. He's not the type of coach to sell out one of his players in the media like that. He'll take the blame until the day he dies.

Not to say that Shanny is completely pure in this game. It was idiotic to go into a prevent on that last drive when your base D had been pretty much dominant the entire game. His red-zone playcalling was a joke too.

So yeah, I'm blaming Sauerbrun. Get fucked, Todd.

Sean Taylor

Rest in peace to one of the baddest motherfuckers in the NFL. We know all to well around these parts about how Redskins nation is feeling this morning. Good luck to all of you as well as Mr. Taylor's friends and family.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Yes, they deserve to die! And I hope they burn in hell!

Go fuck yourself, Todd Sauerbrun. You're a worthless sack of dog shit. You single-handedly cost this team a game. I hope you die in an unpleasant manner.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If you catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chubbs

Dear Brandon Marshall,

Please shut your mouth. Please put on a muzzle or a ball-gag or a leather gimp mask or something. You're starting to get out of control. Check out this quote you gave from the locker room after Monday night's win:

“This is our division. San Diego, Kansas City, they don’t have the talent like us in the locker room. They have the star players, but can’t get it done like us...We’ve just been holding back a little bit”

Wow....that's a lot of smack-talk from a guy on a .500 team. Have you forgotten week 5 already? Can you remember back that far? If you can't, here's a refresher: 41-3. That was the final score of the game against the know, the San Diego you mentioned...the same San Diego that "can't get it done like us." That was the worst home loss in four decades, by the way. You were on the field for this game, right? That was you out there, laughing and grinning and yucking it up on the sideline while it was going on, right?

I'm really starting to get sick and tired of you, Brandon. You liken yourself to a Chad Johnson or a T.O., and yeah, you've got the size, the skill set and the potential to be as good as those guys, but shit man, you're a second-year player. You're not that good yet. You're just not. Sorry to break it to you, buddy.

Brandon, as fucked up as this sounds and as much as I hate to say it, Johnson and Owens have earned the right to run their mouths the way they do. They've proven themselves as as elite wideouts over several years. You don't and you haven't. Hell, T.O. was a model NFL citizen for his first four years or so.

I'll tell you something else, Brandon. Keep this shit up and Shanahan will send your ass on down the road the second your contract is up. Shanny doesn't like guys like you....guys that attempt to put themselves ahead of the squad, guys that try to make a splash with the media. He sent Clinton Portis and his championship belt and his goofy costumes off to DC, he sent Ashley Lelie and his malcontent shit talking, ass off to Atlanta and he sent Kyle Johnson and his silly horsey dance off to the soup kitchen line. If you're looking for a way out of this overgrown cow-town you're doing a good job finding it.

Please Brandon, just shut the fuck up.

H. Rockefeller

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

But then nobody's perfect... almost nobody

Fuckin' sweet. I got to witness this beauty from section 530 last night. It was probably the most fun I've had at a game since the playoff win over NE in '05. Big plays. Big excitement. Big win.

This was far and away Cutler's best game of his career. He only wound up with 200 yards, but what made it so good was his 76% completion rate, his 137.0 passer rating, his 2 TD's and his 0 INT's. The kid didn't make a mistake the entire night. Not one. Well done, son. If you can string a couple of these bad boys together we might be back in business. I was obviously a little premature in calling them finished a couple weeks back. At the time, SD was looking like they were starting to turn it around, but since then they've lost back to back games and the Donks are now your AFC West division leaders. Insane.

Glenn Martinez is indeed, The Truth. First punt return for a TD since 2003? Truthy! I'm conveniently forgetting the muffed punt here.

Can we all agree that Ian Gold is fuckin' terrible? The lucky-bounce fumble recovery and the gimme INT don't make up for the fact that he missed a half dozen tackles and was out of position countless times. I used to love Ian. Loved him. Now I've had it with him. He's been terrible all year long. It's time to say goodbye.

I loves me some Josh Mallard. Dude was flying all over the field making plays. High motor guy. The guys we've picked up off the street in the last few weeks have been excellent (Mallard, Kenny Peterson). Mallard should be starting over Sam Adams. Hell, I should be starting over Sam Adams (Shanny looked like he was going to flat out murder Adams after that encroachment penalty).

The D still needs to get better. VY was torching us all night. Don't be fooled by the rush yards allowed...if they weren't down two scores most of the night that number would've been much higher. If they don't drop a ton of passes and turn the ball over 3 times, this game is much closer.

Nice to see Demetrian Veal have a good game. Never should have let him walk.

Classless move by Marshall pointing at the DB on his TD catch. Great player, terrible citizen.

Shanny's time out shenanigans came back to bite him in the ass. Hopefully that'll be the last time we see that bit of nonsense.

Chicago's up next. Hopefully we can keep the momentum going.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

Please, do not be fooled by this garbage. Shanny's defense of Henry, negative results of hair follicle testing and passing of a polygraph are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT to Henry's situation.

The matter at issue is Henry's urine test and whether or not Henry has standing to sue the NFL to block the results of the urine test. The fact that he passed lie detector and hair tests is, again, completely irrelevant. The judge won't even consider them, and rightly so.

Shanny then goes ahead and, once again, violates federal employment laws by conditioning Henry's job on the outcome of a polygraph test, stating:

If the tests were positive, Travis would not be on our football team right now

He got away with it during the Kircus circus from training camp, so why not try it out here?

This is really getting silly. The guy's been nothing but a distraction from the opening gun. Couple that with the fact that he's as fragile as a fuckin' china-doll, and I'm ready to waive bye-bye to this ass clown. It doesn't matter who's back there as long as the line is working as a cohesive unit. The "is it the system or is it the back" argument is over. It's the fuckin' system.

Travis Henry was a giant waste of money. Enjoy your impending release and one-year suspension from the league.

Monday, November 12, 2007

How do I slow this down, I should hit her on the head?

How about that? It was nice to finally watch a game that we had salted away by the start of the fourth, especially in menstruating Arrowhead, but lets not get too carried away.

Defense: Yeah, the D looked better, but considering the opponent, they would be hard pressed to look worse. KC's offense is terrible, much more terrible than our D is, and we're still pretty terrible. Everyone on the D looked better (w/ the LB's having their best game of the year, by far), but again...KC is frickin' awful on that side of the ball, especially their O-line. I'm not sure how much stock you can put in this game in terms of the D having "turned the corner." Wow, we stopped the worst QB(s) in the league (Minny may be worse) AND the oldest starting tailback in league (even though Priest was still pretty effective and they basically quit running midway through the third) ? Great.

Offense: If you're looking for a "turning the corner" unit, this is it, despite a mediocre game from Cut. The O-Line was excellent which lead to Selvin Young being excellent. Fuck Travis Henry. Pops has hopefully already played his last game for us. Excellent play calling from Shanny yesterday. His best game of the year. He was fairly creative and pretty much devoid of trickery and guile. Classic Shanny. Hopefully he won't resume over-thinking everything from here on out.

The thing is, everyone was saying all this shit after the Pitt game, and they answered with two straight terrible losses. How they go forward from here will determine if they've turned the corner. Lose at home to overrated Tenn? You're back to square one.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Does the word retarded mean anything to you?

Well, he's done it. Dipshit D-Post columnist Woody Paige has finally gone off the deep end. He's penned the worst column in the history of the printed word. I don't even understand what he's trying to say here, but it has about 50 one-sentence paragraphs. It's apparently about how crappy the AFC West is, but I'm still not sure. Here's a little snippet of the insanity:

AFC Worst: Teams of the Santa Fe trail (by five games). Route 66, Broncos 7.

Exsqueeze me? A baking-powder? You're a goddamn comedy goldmine you ass grabbin, sexual harasser, you.

As for the game, lets try and not embarrass ourselves out there, ok? I'm not asking for much. Just don't lose by 30.

UPDATE: So long, you piece of shit mercenary asswipe. Good riddance

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Well, downstream would be a good idea.

Word 'round the campfire (the fire in this case being Sandy Clough at AM 950) is that earlier this week, Shanny called a team meeting and proceeded to verbally tear everyone a new asshole while showing film of their poor play and lack of hustle. Apparently one of the guys he called out was veteran Matt Lepsis.

To that I say: It's about fuckin' time, dude. You should have done it after the SD game. These guys have been sleep-walking through the season and they need a kick in the ass. Especially some of these hired gun types that haven't done anything but draw a paycheck (Simeon Rice, Sam Adams, etc.).

I like the move. Get your house in order, coach.

I would also be remiss if I didn't point out this little bit of pointless garbage over at It's their NFL Fan Value Experience. They're ranking the NFL teams based on the amount of fun the fans have at the games or some such nonsense. Apparently they didn't bother actually going to the stadiums, but rather compiled this fucker based on results of an online survey. Rankings were based on tickets, food and souvenirs, accessibility, tailgating, team, stadium atmosphere and neighborhood.

The Donks rank 13th, behind such legendary venues as M&T Bank Stadium (Baltimore), the RCA Dome (Indy), LP Field (Tennessee), Bank of America Stadium (Carolina) and Municipal Stadium (Jax). Um...ok. They can't even sell out in Jax without putting a black tarp over half the stadium and simply not selling tickets for those seats. And isn't the RCA Dome being torn down after this season? Whatever, at least we're the tops in the division. Here's something else I don't get: the Meadowlands is ranked dead last for the Jets, but 25th for the Giants. What?

The idiot value SI used here is "team." Is the team worth watching? Take that ranking out and Denver is much higher.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark, we let down the Funky Bunch.

Another week, another blowout loss and another game that I turned off before the end of the third. I'm starting to get really pissed off with this shit. This franchise is turning into a fucking national joke right before your eyes. Any lingering, naive dream of Denver turning it around and competing for a playoff slot this year was brutally murdered on the carpet in Detroit. I actually kept a running diary of the game, but I'm not about to type up the motherfucker even though it was chock full of wit and wisdom, because who wants to re-live that shit.

At least we scored. At least Cutler didn't break his leg. At least Andre Hall looked pretty solid on kick returns. At least......nope, that's it. Nothing else positive in this bitch, except for Kevin Harlan. He's the best play by play guy in the game at getting you personnel and formations. He actually announces substitutions on the D-Line and tells you how many backers and DB's are in. I can't think of anyone better at it. But lets face it, when your sole enjoyment of the game comes from the play by play guy, you're in for a long and shitty day.

They flat out weren't ready to play. I saw no pride out there, no heart. It's like they didn't mind going out and getting ass raped by 37.

Yeah, these guys are really bad....and they're poorly coached. Not just Shanahan, but everyone. The D still had substitution problems. The Lions weren't running a hurry up or some wacky variation of Buffalo's old K-Gun. No, they were running their normal offense and we still had a 12 man on the field penalty and had to waste timeouts so we could get the correct personnel out there. When basic shit like that haunts you two weeks in a row, you're a poorly coached team. I'm not knee-jerk calling for Shanahan's head. I still think he's a top 5 coach in this league, but something's got to change next year. Someone has to get fired. If Coyer got fired last offseason, a big name has got to go this year. Personally, I think it's going to be Heimerdinger. Just throwing it out. I think the D coaches are safe for at least another year...whether or not they should be is another matter.

Injuries, poor play, poor coaching and personnel decisions have forced us into a rebuilding mode that could potentially spill over into next year. Having fun, Broncoland? I'm not.

Friday, November 2, 2007

You are having pie and coffee with a living legend.

Well, we knew it was coming. The greatest wideout in franchise history is finished for the season. I find it highly unlikely that he ever suits up for us again. If that's the case, it's kind of a crappy way for the guy to go out, but at 37, it's probably time for both sides to move on. Look for the classy and highly compassionate Mike Shanahan to hand him his walking papers in the off season. Shanny doesn't care if you're a Ring of Famer or some practice squad fodder. He's like Ray Lewis, he'll cut your ass.

Is Rod a Hall of Famer? He's currently ranked 11th in NFL history in receptions and he's the only undrafted receiver ever to amass 10K receiving yards, but is that enough? Obviously I'd like to see him there...but I don't think he has much of a chance. Receiving stats are being devalued by the day and for some reason, the asshole HOF voters hate Denver. The fact that a team that has been to seven Super Bowls (tied w/ Pitt for second in NFL history behind Dallas) and has only one player in the HOF is absurd. Guys like Randy Gradishar, Floyd Little and Gary Zimmerman should be in, and if they had played for the fucking Giants or some shit they would be in. It's really ridiculous when you look at it. It doesn't bode well for borderline current guys like Tommy Nails and Old Man Kicker. Shannon should still be a lock though, he retired as the greatest receiving TE in NFL history. You can't keep him out, can you? Can you?

Rod's a class act. He seems like a "Bronco for life" kind of guy, not the type that will limp around and pathetically try and catch on with another team (Jerry Rice). I think he'd make an excellent WR coach.

Oh yeah, our first round pick snapped his fibula and destroyed some ankle ligaments in practice yesterday. Sweet! More great news in a season full of it.

This weekend it's the Lions, another over-hyped and over-rated NFC team. These guys can put some serious points on the board, especially in their own building. Can the D contain Jon Kitna and their stable of first round WR's? There's no reason to think so, is there? Can the front seven keep Kevin Jones and Fumble Drill from running like Dickerson in his prime? Again, there's no reason to think so, is there?

They'll probably pound on Detroit and suck everybody into thinking they've turned the corner again.

I guess there's a big game in Indiana this weekend? I haven't heard much about it.