Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hey Joey, who shot ya?

I can hear sweat tricklin' down your cheek

your heartbeat sound like sasquatch feet

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A friend of mine

Wildly unrelated to anything, but wildly excellent nevertheless. I think the guy wailing on the guitar like he's Jimmy Page might be the best part.

Courtesy of Joe Sports Fan

Smokin' Nugs

You thought this was a Broncos blog didn't you? Didn't you?

Well, for the next 15 minutes, or however long it takes to write this post, it's a Denver Nuggets blog. Here's a few predictions as to how the Nugs '08-'09 campaign plays out.

Nene, playing 30 lbs over his ideal weight, will blow out the A, P and MCL on both of his knees within the first month of the season.

The Nugs will be the first team in NBA history to allow 200 pts. in a game, with teams averaging 125 against them over the course of the year.

Koby Karl, at the urging of his Daddy, will be signed to a series of 10-day contracts.

Kenyon Martin will go bat-shit insane and take a swing at Stephen Hunter during a game.

JR Smith will go bonkers for 35 pts. one night and then inexplicably shoot 2-40 over the next four games. He may or may not get shot in a drive-by.

Juwan Howard might average 1 min. per game. Might.

The Birdman will win the dunk contest, avenging his worthless '05 showing.

Adrian Dantley will get fucked over in the HOF voting.

Rocky will continue to be the best mascot in the NBA.

I will personally hunt down that stupid dancing usher (he's a paid dancer by the way) and slice his Achilles.

Carmelo Anthony will be traded at the deadline, at which point I will stop watching the NBA.


Lots of roster moves this week. Let's take a look:

IN: Chad Jackson, WR. Former 2nd round pick from the Pats who summarily dumped his ass during camp. A wideout? Really? Do we need another wideout? They're saying on the local news that Stoke is playing this weekend. Bad attitude + bad hands = I don't get this signing.

IN: Josh Bell, CB. Promoted from the Practice Squad. Will not help this pathetic secondary.

IN: Matt Murphy, T (PS). Never heard of him.

IN: Greg Eslinger, C (PS). Welcome back. This is his last year of PS eligibility. He's got a decent shot at making the team next summer if Lichtensteiger and Weigmann are felled by congenital heart defects.

IN: Rashad Mouton, CB (PS). Again...never heard of him.

OUT: Erik Pears, T (Reserve/Non Injured). Not sure what the deal here is exactly, but whatever. Pears sucks and it's nice to know that he won't be on the field this year.

So what's missing from this list? A QB. No promotion for Gary Coleman, no signing of Culpepper, Gradowski nor the corpse of Vinny Testeverde.

There's only one QB on the active roster right now. Better do something soon coach...I think the emergency QB is Mike Leach if you can fucking believe that.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

'ello, 'ello. What's all this then?

What's better than watching your closest division rival fall another half-game back in the standings?

Making them travel halfway across the planet to do so.

Next year let's have the the Dolphins play in Seattle and then fly on to Tokyo. It makes about as much sense. I'm not complaining though. We need as much help as we can get.

What I will complain about however, is the fact that 3 of Denver's last 4 road games are east coast games starting at 11am (Mountain). Now THAT is some bullshit.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Good news, everyone!

Backup/Terrible QB, Patrick Ramsey was placed on IR today, ending his season.

Look for the full-sized version of Gary Coleman, a.k.a. Darrell Hackney to be brought up from the Practice Squad.

Say, anyone got Vinny Testaverde's number? No? What's Steve Beuerlein up to nowadays?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I guess I could stick my head in the oven

Bad to worse.

Champ is ou for at least a month w/ a torn groin. Six weeks is more likely.

Boss is done for the year with a severely fucked up knee.

Obviously Champ is the bigger loss here. Lets face it, it was only a matter of time before Boss got seriously hurt. He gets dinged up on every series. Whatever. We're not very deep at that LB spot. I guess Winborn starts? Ugh.

The pass defense, if you can fucking believe this, will actually get significantly worse. The dropoff from Champ to Dre Blight is steep. Cliff-face steep. Champ had Randy Moss pretty much shut down last night. The second he went out Moss not surprisingly started getting open...and catching touchdowns...and putting the game away. And Jack Williams on the other side? Yikes. Where the fuck is Karl Paymah? God, this is terrible. Hoo boy. I need to sit a few plays out.

This is a black day for football.

The Broncos make a statement

And that statement is: We're a team with serious deficiencies on both sides of the ball and we'll probably be lucky to finish 8-8.

Their play has left me with a few options. Should I choose this?

maybe this?

what about this?

This doesn't look too bad

Of course, there's always this

Yep. It looks like it's suicide again for me.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Jay Cutler has a stronger arm than John Elway

And I don't think it's even really close. John had a big, big arm, but Cut's is bigger.

So please, let's stop giving the kid shit for a tounge-in-cheek joke answer to an idiot question from an idiot reporter. You can actually see the sarcasm dripping from his answer, even though it is true.

Mike Ditka is absolutely worthless and everyone on Monday Night Countdown is a complete fucking dipshit.

Hurry up!

Shit, this day is draggin like a motherfucker.

Here's something else for ya, too:

Call the National Guard!

You know why.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Mike Shanahan gets it

Sorry for the lack of content. I've been slammed at work and quite frankly, I'm still a little pissed off. Fuck you, Jacksonville.

There's good news this week. Mike Shanahan has seen the light on a couple of issues that I yammered about so vulgarly in my last post.

Thank god. In my opinion, the personnel we have fits a 3-4 better anyway. Dewayne Robertson or Kenny Peterson at starting NT (I'm sure Robertson isnt' happy about this, but fuck him), Some combo of Eb Ek, Crowder and Marcus Thomas starting on the outsides. Dumerville and Moss moving to OLB. John Engleberger watching from the bench. Love this move. Love. It.

As for Pittman. This should have been done regardless of who the back is. Run the guy until he can't run anymore then put in a back-up. When your top dog is ready to go again, you put him back in. This is how it's been done since Bronco Nagurski was toting the rock. The RBBC is pure crap. The backs can't get in any kind of rhythm like that. I'm glad someone in charge finally realized it.

Clearly Shanny reads this blog.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Jay Cutler = Linus

Here's an angry, angry GBU from the loss to Jax that I had the distinct displeasure of viewing in person.

Michael Pittman. Fuck this running-back-by-commitee horseshit. Name a guy your primary back and give him the fucking ball 25 times a game. If he's too delicate to handle that kind of workload or he's not fast enough as an occasional "change of pace" type of back or he's not big enough to be a 3rd and 1/goal-line type of back, get his ass the fuck gone. No more splitting series between Selvin, Andre Hall and Pittman. That shit is fucking absurd. Is it any concidence that the week we ride one horse is the same week we finally have a decent running attack? I say no.

Brandon Marshall. I don't give a shit if he had 12 catches or whatever, he had a goddamn shit game yesterday. The fumble at the goal-line. The game killing drop on the last series. Zero effort on that deep ball in the third (it landed two yards in front of him and he never even put his fucking hands up). The fucking 10 yard loss on the WR screen. Seriously dickhead, just go down already. I'm sick of the juking and jiving and this guy having to protect his rep as the "hardest wideout in league to tackle." Fuck that nonsense. The potential reward does not outweigh the risk. JUST GO DOWN, ASSHOLE.

Jay Cutler. Have you ever seen a QB lock in on one receiver the way Cut locked in on Marshall yesterday? It was fucking absurd. He threw at least eight passes in Marshall's direction when he was doubled up and had no shot at a catch (and another that was batted down at the line). I know Eddie and Scheffler weren't in the line-up, but fuck me. You've got to find somewhere else to go with the ball, man. He's lucky he didn't have 6 INT's yesterday. Terrible, terrible game.

The Denver Defense. Or as I like to call them, Champ Bailey and Ten Worthless Motherfuckers. I was actually trying to defend the rush D on the way to the game (it's always only one guy out of position or one guy missing a big tackle. Larry Johnson skewed the numbers. They're not that bad, etc.) Embarrassing. It's time for someone to get fired. Remember when we imported almost all of the D-line from Cleveland and everyone made fun of us? Man, those were the good ol' days. That D-line was actually decent. This D-line? Dog. Shit.


Your momma

Friday, October 10, 2008

Hand over the money or Silky gets it!

The Jags own us. Own. Us. Despite the 3-3 all-time record we've got against them.

I hate you, Jacksonville. I hate your stupid teal uniforms and your crappy offenses. I hate your dumb city and your empty stadium. You don't deserve an NFL team and you don't deserve happiness.

My least favorite team that doesn't reside in the Bay Area or in the state of Missourah is Jacksonville.

I hate you, Jacksonville.

Monday, October 6, 2008


Vic Lombardi just said on Jay Cutler Live (Brandon Marshall is filling in this week and as far as TV work is concerned, Brandon Marshall is an excellent football player) that Tony Scheffler has a torn groin for sure and that Selvin Young may also have one.

That's some bad news right there. An increased role for Nate Jackson isn't necessarily a bad thing, but Nate Jackson is not Tony Scheffler. If it is torn, that's gotta be the IR for him, right? Sux if that's actually the case.

Selvin, too. Those guys are all kind of interchangable, but there's a serious drop off after Michael Pittman. At least until this Ryan Torain kid comes back.

I can't find anything about either guy on the tubes, so who the fuck knows? Lombardi might have been doing whippits before the show.

You know what this means though?

Chad Mustard is back, bitches.

What defensive problems?

I don't see any defensive problems. Quick GBU from the ugly 16-13 W over Brian Griese's sniveling ass.


How 'bout that Denver D? It helped that Griese/Gruden absolutely refused to go down the field with the ball until late in the fourth.

Zero mistakes from Cutler. He was a little off and he didn't have huge numbers, but he was solid throughout. No stupid throws or poor decisions. It was killing him to play that kind of game though. You know he wanted to air it out.


Eddie Royal got banged up and didn't come back.

The O only really clicked for a couple of drives there.

The play calling was a little conservative for my tastes. I know Tampa is good in deep pass coverage, but sheesh. I don't think Cut even threw a pass longer than 20 yards.

Brandon Marshall was not good. He dropped a couple and fell down while making his break on another.

Chris Meyers is one of the worst play-by-play guys in the league. He's as bad as Bryant Gumble in terms of down and distance. I don't know how many times yesterday he said that a runner "looks short of the first down," when he was tackled or ran out three yards short of the sticks. Three full fucking yards. Or "he appears to have gotten the first" when the guy's three yards past the sticks. He did that shit all day long. Irritating. Get some fucking glasses.


FOX. The HD feed went out about ten minutes into the game and stayed out until halftime. I completely missed Tampa's first scoring drive before realizing that it was being shown on the over-the-air channel too. Stupid non high-definition picture. Might as well rub dirt in my eyes.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The local CBS affiliate sucks, part 2

CBS has the double-header this week. Which sucks, because Denver is playing on Fox. Which means Fox doesn't have a game on this morning. Which means that the only option is the dog shit SD-Miami game.

Although...It looks like Philip Rivers may have tweaked his ankle or something. He looks gimpy as fuck out there.

How do you feel about that Phil?

Always tough

Our old "friend" Brian Greisespoon is back in town.

The same guy who mentally couldn't deal with replacing John.

The same guy who tripped over his dog, fell down some stairs and knocked himself out of a couple of games. (Real story: drunk)

The same guy who tripped in TD's driveway during a party and knocked himself unconscious (Real story: flat out decked by someone on his own team)

Tampa always plays us tough. Always. 12-9 or 14-12 games are the norm. This will be the best D we've played so far this season. They're turnover machines. Cut HAS to make smart decisions and HAS to have a big game if we're going to have any shot.

On the other side of the ball...well, I've got no answers. Try not to be completely shitty. Gries-pit is bound to help us out by sucking ass. He has so little heart and is so weak mentally that you just know he'll fold in a game he should be up for.

We'll see what happens. Kickoff is less than seven hours away.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Gene & Tyrone & Marcus & Travis

6 kilos. Enjoy that prison term, dad. 10-life.

I think the lesson here is that when you're muling coke for NFL washouts, you should probably drive the speed limit.