Friday, September 14, 2007

We got a special dislikin' for these punk-olas

It's Raider week, baby. In honor of the arrival of perhaps the most pathetic franchise in the league, I'm putting together a quick list of my 6 most hated Raiders of all time. It's not as big of a game as it used to be, what with the Raiders being perhaps the most pathetic franchise in the league and all, but I still have a special, deep-down hate for these drunken, toothless fuckers. This one's for Lamont Jordan, who openly wept on the sidelines in Denver last year when the Donks put it away late. Bonus points to anyone who can find me a pic of it.

6. Todd Christensen - Never could stand this man-perm having windbag. Looked like the brunette version of The Real American Hero. Bonus points for being a shitty announcer later on in life. Didn't help that he was a pretty fuckin good TE.

5. Jim Plunkett - If you've ever heard this guy speak, he makes Michael Irvin sound lucid. I swear he's the only person to win a Super Bowl while suffering from Down's syndrome. Bonus points for hiding his hispanic heritage. Didn't help that he was a pretty fuckin' good QB once he got to Oakland.

4. Marcus Allen - Helped OJ murder Nicole and Ron. If you think otherwise, you're naive. Bonus points for signing with the Chiefs. Plus he was a pretty fuckin' good (HOF) RB.

3. Howie Long - The best D-Lineman I've ever seen play, period. Destroyed John and the Broncos on a consistent and thorough basis. Bonus points for sticking with the Johnny Unitas look nearly six decades after it was fashionable (Now there's a haircut you can set your watch to!).

2. Steve Wisniewski - One of the dirtiest players in the history of the NFL. Chop blocking, eye gouging, fishhooking, figure-four name it, Wisniewski did it. People call Denver dirty for their LEGAL cut blocking technique, but look no further than this asshole for the definition of a dirty O-lineman. No bonus points here. He wasn't particularly good either, just loathsome.

1. Bill Romanowski - How can you hate a guy that was a key component in Denver's back-to-back SB championships? Lets see... spits in a guys face on MNF (a black guy, no less), rearranges alcoholic Kerry Collins' jaw on a late hit in a preseason game, rearranges a teammates entire face after smashing him with his helmet during a training camp scuffle, admitted to juicing on 60 Minutes, countless late hit calls, etc., etc. I could go on forever with this piece of dogshit, but I have to stop somewhere. Bonus points for letting his wife get dragged into his illegal steroid prescription case...and for this. Just an all around piece of garbage.

To sum up, fuck Oakland.

As far as the game goes, this one should be a runaway if we can put the ball in the endzone (like the second ranked offense in the league should be able to do) and we can stop the new and "improved" Oakland offense (like the top ranked defense in the league should be able to do). We'll see what happens.

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