Friday, May 29, 2009

Knowshown Moreno can dance

Jazz Hands!

UPDATE: I've been spelling the guy's name wrong since April. I'm an idiot.

Upper Deck (the baseball, and apparently football, card company) recently held their "NFL Rookie Premiere Photo Shoot," whatever the hell that is. Just read this while I tear my own eyes out:

Seven photo/film stations were decorated across the western half of the coliseum’s football field, each created to deliver the players in various poses and moods that could be used in upcoming Upper Deck football card products. After all, this event represents the first time trading card companies can photograph the recently drafted players in their new professional team uniforms. Station No. 6 would quickly become the most anticipated station of them all, as players were asked to perform their very own “Touchdown Dance” celebrations on video. A vivacious touchdown dance/cheerleader instructor named Mary Riley was recruited by Upper Deck to provide inspiration and enthusiasm to get the players involved. And if all else failed, Upper Deck offered up a Michael Jordan-signed red Chicago Bulls jersey that would go to the winner (suggested retail price: $1,699.99)!

Yes. Let's encourage a bunch of ROOKIES to act like buffoons and then celebrate and reward their jackassery.

But once all the dust (and grass) had settled, it was Denver Broncos gregarious new recruit Knowshown Moreno (RB, Georgia) who walked away as Upper Deck’s first-ever Touchdown Dance Champion. Utilizing bits and pieces of what could have been four separate videos, Moreno was awarded top honors, which included a beautiful, laser-engraved crystallized trophy along with the coveted MJ-signed jersey.

Hey, Upper Deck. Fuck you!

Also, why is my 1990 Ben McDonald card now worth less than a nickel? That thing used to book for $45. Assholes.

Oh yeah, there's awful, awful video:

Remember when people thought Gerald Willhite doing a single back flip was outrageous? I would kill for those days.

HT to Shutdown Corner

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