Thursday, March 29, 2007

Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me

Al's gone, he's done here. Even if by some miracle, he sticks around another year, it'll be his last. The team is acting like they don't want him around anymore. Like he's a fucking liability or something. I can't fathom it.

How can you cry poverty and then turn around and give a crazy ass contacts to Daniel Graham and Dre Bly? Look, I'm happy they locked up Bly for the long term, he's an enormus upgrade at the position and the bitching about not getting a long term deal was threatening to get out of control. I don't think he's worth $5M per year or worthy of $18M guaranteed, but that's another story. I'm not happy w/ the Graham signing. "Stone hands" is now the highest paid blocking TE in the league. We already had a pretty good blocking TE on the roster for a microscopic fraction of Graham's cost.

It's obvious the Broncos are pumping as much money as possible into the offense. I get it. We just had one of the worst offensive seasons we've seen around here in a decade. You've got a young gunslingin' QB that needs weapons around him. Great. But you have to put cash in the D at a position other than corner. Just because you hired Jim Bates doesn't necessarily mean you're automatically going to get better on that side of the ball. And offering a meager contract to Mike Myers isn't exactly making a big splash along the line. Couple that with the fact that Chubsington McFattypants STILL hasn't reported and that deal now looks likely to be rescinded.

Bottom line is: you can't just summarily dismiss one of the top 3 middle linebackers in the league, because you think his cap hit is too big. You cant do it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Why don't you dance with a man for a change?

Brandon Marshall got arrested in Highlands Ranch Monday night. This doesn't really sound all that terrible. They had a fight, she wanted to leave and Marshall blocked the cab w/ his car.

Obviously domestic violence isn't anything to sneeze about, but it doesn't look like he actually laid hands on her. We'll see how this plays out. I really hope he's not a wife-beater.

Pretty shitty off-season for this guy though, he's at the club w/ Darrent on New Years Eve and he played in Damien Nash's charity b-ball game in St. Loo the day he died. Tough break.

In other news, it looks like Al actually failed his physical w/ the Giants. Sweet! I mean, it sucks for Al, because his options are pretty limited at this point. It's either renegotiate and take a pay cut (which is a joke - he doesn't deserve a pay cut) or get released and proceed to get fucked out on the open market now that everyone knows about the neck (and thumb) issues. So, it's sweet because he's much more likely to come back and I'm a selfish bastard.

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Untouchables

This fucking better not go down. I cant believe it's even being considered. There hasn't been any appreciable decline in Al's skills, he's just as competitive as ever, he's respected by everyone in the league, he's still widely regarded as one of the top two or three Mike LB's in the league, his locker room presence and leadership is second on the team only to Rod and he's a relative bargain at $5.2M. Especially considering the bat-shit insane contracts that have been doled out so far this offseason (Nate Clements, I'm looking in your direction). Al is worth every fucking penny he makes.

Given this team's track record of dealing with it's legendary type of players at the end of their careers (Steve Atwater finishing up with the Jets, letting Shannon Sharpe go to Baltimore for two years before finally bringing him back, uncerimonously dumping Trevor Pryce last season, etc.) the fact that they're shopping Al around doesn't suprise me one bit.

I understand that this is a business, but there are some guys on your team that should be on your team...period. They should never be traded, never be shopped around and never be cut if they're physically fit. They're so important either on the field or in the locker room that they're untouchable. Here are those guys on the Donks:

1. Rod Smith
2. Al Wilson
3. Champ Bailey
4. Tom Nalen
5. Jay Cutler
6. Matt Lepsis
7. Keith Burns

That's the list. Everyone else is up for grabs. We have the best LB corps in the league (especially now that Adalius Thomas is in New England). Why would you want to break that up? It doesn't make an ounce of sense.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Rod you stay....Courtney, you're cut

Rod re-structured his deal earlier this month, which will keep him in the D-city at least through 2008. Thank jeebus. There was talk of him being a salary cap casualty earlier in the offseason, which is utter horseshit. You pretty much have to keep the franchise's greatest wideout ever on your roster, right?

In other news, the "Browncos" (which is an absolutely idiotic word) D-line lost it's first player earlier this week. That's right, the oft-injured, former #1 overall pick Courtney Brown failed a physical and was released. He was out all of last season with a knee, and it still hasn't healed properly. Fuck it. He was a decent run-stopper in '05, but he never lived up to the hype. Ranking the 5 (jeebus, is it really 5?) former Browns D-linemen we've picked up over the last three seasons, from most impressive to least impressive, the list looks like this:

1. Mike Myers - solid all around DT, good penetration
2. Kenard Lang - quick as fuck, one of our top pass rushers last year (even though thats not saying much)
3. Eb Ekuban - plays inside and out, not great at either - piss poor when asked to drop back in some goofy ass Larry Coyer coverage scheme
4. Gerard Warren - tub of goo, only good for clogging holes and eating sandwiches, looks like he doesn't give a fuck out there.
5. Courtney Brown - pathetic pass rush for the end spot, always hurt.

So there you go, in my opinion, the best Browns D-lineman we got was a throw-in in the Ruben Droughns trade. We need serious help on the line, folks.

Also: In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you havent, The Nuggets have managed to win a few ballgames and are threatening to climb out of the cellar They're not really in the cellar, they're currently the 7 seed if the playoffs started today, but they've looked much improved over the past couple of weeks. They've managed to run up a 5 game winning streak (including an absolute beat down of one of the 2 best teams in the league, the Suns), and were able to snap their 0 for 20+ streak of losing games when they score less than 100 by beating the Nets in Joisey 94-90.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

If you cant cover him...sign him

The Broncos signed Art Donovan's bastard child yesterday to an incentive laden one year deal. He's coming off achilles surgery in December and wont be ready until near the end of training camp. My thought is he never suits up and is part of the final cuts.

Brandon Stokley

Art Donovan - if you don't know who this guy is, you suck...and you need to watch more NFL Films

Friday, March 16, 2007

Chubsington McFattypants

This guy is likely going to be a part of the Broncos DL next year. They extended the deadline for Wilkinson to report and pass a physical. We'll see what he decides....he's gotta make some sort of decision within a couple of weeks. I just don't know about this guy. I could go either way, but he seem's a bit lazy to me. He seems like the type of guy that work just hard enough not to get fired. Plus, I hate the really big fat guys. They're worthless in the fourth quarter.

Rather than spend the cash on guys like Daryl Gardner and the entire Cleveland DL and DL coaching staff (now fired), I'm thinking they should have just sucked it up and locked up guys like Bert Berry and Reggie Hayward. Especially Berry.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Miscellaneous news, bitches


The Donks are showing some interest in deceptively fast (read: white) free agent wideout Brandon Stokley for some damn reason. The guy missed several games last year after rupturing an Achilles. He also suffered a different ankle injury as well as a knee injury last year. This guy's lower body is beat to shit. He's also overrated as hell...he's a product of having one of the top 3 or 4 QB's in the history of the game throwing him bullets. Not to mention, for the first time in a long time, we're pretty much set at the receiver position. Javon's the clear-cut go to guy, Brandon Marshall has the potential to be a #1, but for now is a very good #2 and we've got the greatest recveiver in team history in the slot. Also, everyone was high on Domenk Hixon last season, but he couldn't recover from a nagging knee injury and was on IR all of last year. I don't think we need to add this guy, unless its for a paltry salary w/ playing time and reception incentives.

Fuck you, Big Daddy

Dan Wilkinson might not want to play here. Denver traded the Dolphins a sixth round pick for this lard-ass DT. He has until tomorrow to report and take a physical, or the trade will be rescinded. Wilkinson is saying he has "issues" he needs to addres before deciding to report. He was considering retiring at the end of last year and I say: good, retire fat-boy. The new HNIC of the defense Jim Bates (isn't it odd that on each side of the ball for the Donks, the guy with the "coordinator" title isn't actually the guy in charge) apparently loves that fat bastard.


The Nugs still suck. Here's the pattern: win one, lose two, win one, lose three, win one, lose two. They've still got probs on D, and still can' put together any kind of coherent half-court O. We're still looking at a one and done playoff series if they dont' get their shit together (they wont).

March Maddness

Here's my final four: Florida, Duke, Carolina and Ohio State. I know what you're thinking: Duke? There's no way Duke gets that far. They're a chic first round upset pick (to lose to Virginia Commonwealth). That's nonsense. Virgina Commonwealth? Get fucking serious. Kansas is going to choke at some point, they always do (Bucknell, anyone?). UCLA is the team to beat from that region, but I'm taking the Dookies in an upset. Anyway, I've got Florida beating Duke and Carolina beating OSU in the national semis, w/ Carolina pulling out all the stops (and hopefully Joakim Noah's hair) in a 78-70 win over Florida. Book it. I'm never (always) wrong.

I guess it's better than that stupid dancing show

John is going to be a part of some goofy ass reality TV show

Say it aint so, John.

Thursday, March 8, 2007


Personnel decisions by the Donks so far this offseason:

Travis Henry is a tremendous upgrade over Tatum in everything except age. In the "system v. player" debate that rears its ugly head every time a new Donk starter puts up a big game, I've always been on the side of system. Face it...if guys like Olandis Gary, Ruben Droughns and Mike Anderson can go for 1000, anyone in the league can do it. None of those guys were really any good (Gary is out of the league, Droughns will soon be backing up the washed-up, overweight, fucked-in-the-ass Jamal Lewis, while Anderson is the number three back for the Ravens), but slap them in Gibbs' zone-blocking scheme and they pump out huge years. There have been two (ok fine, three, I'll give you Floyd Little you old-timey fuckers...are you happy now?) top of the line RB's on this team during it's lengthy history, TD and Clinton Portis. Now when you put a top of the line back in this system....whhhhhooooweeeeeeee! You can essentially guarantee 1500+ yds and 15 or so TD's. TD and CPo went apeshit here, absolutely bonkers. Travis Henry is no TD and he's no CPo, but he's a legitimately good back, running for 1200+ yds and 12 TD's last year for the piss-poor Titans. Look for him to have a monster year here. Projections: 1705 yds and 15 TD's. Every free agent running back should have one team and one team only in mind.

Dre Bly apparently wanted to be traded to the 'Skins rather than here, and apparently is also pissed that the team has no plans to negotiate for a long term deal before the end of the season. He should be as happy as fucking pig in shit that he doesn’t have to spend his winters in Detroit getting his ass handed to him on a platter week in and week out. He's backpedaling on it now, but we know the truth. See you in camp, fucker.

The Daniel Graham signing is a little puzzling. Does this spell the end of the Stephen Alexander era? Did Stephen Alexander even have an era? The answers are yes and no. Alexander is an all block, no catch TE, similar to how Tony Scheffler is an all catch and no block TE. Graham is of the former variety, meaning Alexander is out. Do we really need another one of these guys? The best TE in team history was all catch and no block. Run double tight sets if you really need that extra blocker, otherwise the TE should be running routes. Plus, the contract they gave this guy is flat out idiotic (5 years, $25M - $15M guaranteed).

Jake, Jake, Jake, tsk tsk tsk. Just get over it. The trade has been modified, if you retire we don't get a draft pick for you, you will not be released by the Donks - free to sign wherever you chose, you are now the property of Tampa. If you dont' file your retirement papers, you're playing for Tampa...period. For at least this season, you will play in Tampa or nowhere at all. I've always defended you, your left handed passes, your thrift store chic look, your dirty-ass hippie hair, your Grizzly Adams beard, your middle finger, your road rage and your gossip columnist rage, but this shit is just ridiculous.

The Donks really, really wanted Brad Johnson (Methuselah) or Jeff Garcia (who has a fake supermodel wife to prove that he's NOT GAY) to back up the Cut, but it looks like they'll have to settle for the poor mans NOT GAY Jeff Garcia, Patrick Ramsay. Good pick-up, if only for the fact that NOBODY will be calling for the back-up next year.

We signed a couple of middling players as well, OG Montrae Holland (who?), most recently of the Saints and FB Paul Smith, most recently of the Rams. Yeah, I've never heard of either of those guys either. Holland will compete for Cooper's slot once he signs somewhere and Smith will compete for the Kyle Johnson/Cecil Sapp spot. Whatever.

Also, Rod had old man surgery (hip debridement) last week and is out for the entire offseason program. He's going to be at best the third option next year, hopefully his last.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Check-e later

Tatum, George...don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

This is a very good move for the Donks. Georgie was a big, fat, slobish, mess of a dissapointment. Who thought it would be a good idea to have a 325+ lb guy working the RT slot in a zone blocking scheme? I know it wasn't Alex Gibbs.

Tatum, well....Tatum fumbles, Tatum gets dropped for two yard losses as often as he breaks one for 10+, Tatum whines about not getting respect, Tatum is fragile and Tatum fumbles. I already mentioned his fumbling you say? Well...that shit counts double. Mike will be fine, I thought he was better than Tatum last year, but whatever. They'll add a veteran RB through another trade or FA. Plus, Shanny will have his annual dalliance w/ Jamal Lewis, who just got released. Note to Shanny: Please, avoid this guy - he hasn't been the same doing time in PMITA prison.

The 5th rounder is irrelevant. There's a lot of talk about finding late round gems, but it's a friggin' crapshoot. And thats a game of chance I don't mind avoiding.

Dre Bly is an upgrade over Darrent. I know that's a shitty thing to say about a guy that got blasted in a drive-by, but it's the truth. I was never a fan of Darrent. He got beat up and down the field all year long. In fact, before the Niners game I was standing above the tunnel the Donks come in and out of and the last thing I yelled to Darrent was "Hey Darrent, try and cover somebody today." I feel bad about it now.

Anyway, good trade. Now we need to address the D-Line (we need a lot of help)...and find a replacement for Cooper (apparently he's not even returning the teams phone calls)...and see if we can get a safety that doesn't have an AARP card...and try and unload Jake.

The rest of the off season should be fun. If we can keep our guys off the autopsy table.