Baby look at me, look at me. You're money, and you know what else? You're a big winner tonight.

John Elway is still the greatest. Over the weekend #7 won the goofball reality show titled "Fast Cars & Superstars."

In the finals, John destroyed such luminaries as Tony Hawk, Jewel, Bill Cowher, John Cena (who?) and Ty Murray (again, who?) to take the title. The premise of the finals was five laps around a 1.5 mile track w/ a pit stop on lap 3. Fastest time wins.

I must admit that as soon as I knew John was in the finals, I set the ol' tivo to record that bad boy. I don't care much for Nascar, but I'll watch John do his laundry if it's on TV (I actually watched the Arena game last night for the obligatory Elway halftime interview). Yeah, you could call it a problem.

Jewel hit the wall during a warm up lap, fucking up her grill. Her car was not damaged. Hey now!

Bill Cowher couldn't even drive a stick shift until right before the start of the show. That's Kordell Stewart manly there, coach. He finished dead last.

After his run, Ty Murray was so convinced he had the best time, he arrogantly ripped off a few donuts in the infield grass. There were 2 drivers remaining at that point, and guess what? Both beat Murray's time. Nice work, rodeo dipshit.

After his run, John Cena was so convinced he had the best time, he arrogantly ripped off a few donuts in the infield grass. There was 1 driver remaining at that point, and guess what? He beat Cena's time. Nice work, wrestling dipshit.

Johnboy ran last and wiped the floor with everyone. Just like old times.

WOODY PAIGE DIPSHITTERY UPDATE:

Our favorite old hack of a clown of a d-bag thinks it might be a good idea to have John tutor Jay Cutler this offseason. Really? You think having the best QB in franchise history spit wisdom to a second year QB would be a good idea? That's the kind of innovative thinking that should land Woody a GM job someday. Brilliant!