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The aught eight shed-yule is out. Let's break it down:

Mon, Sept. 8 — at Oakland
First of three prime time games this year. A division rival to start off the season means we have to be ready to go immediately. If we don't play better than we did in the last three openers, this could be the start of a very long, very painful season.

Sun, Sept. 14 - SD
Wait, two division games to start the season. First home game of the year. Right now SD is light years better than us. As long as we give up less than 41 and score more than 3, it's an improvement. Christ that's depressing.

Sun, Sept. 21 - NO
A tough, high scoring team comes to town. We didn't stop anybody last year, can we stop these guys? Am I going to this game? You bet your sweet ass I am. It's been a loooonnnnnggggggg time since NO came to town.

Sun, Sept. 28 - @KC
Bullshit 11am Mountain start time for this one. I hate the early games, but at least we're going to KC in Sept. instead of December for a change. Half of our division schedule is now over. It's week 4.

Sun, Oct. 5 - Tampa
I've got nothing here. If Jake was playing, maybe I'd have something witty to say. Tampa always plays us tough. Expect a thrilling 12-9 score here.

Sun, Oct. 12 - Jax
God, I hate Jacksonville. Thanks for making us play them every year, NFL. Assholes. I'll probably be in attendance for this one, too.

Mon, Oct. 20 - @NE
Primetime game #2. The Patsies are our bitches. On and off the field, they're our bitches. If they're 6-0 by the time this game rolls around they're going home 6-1. Pencil in a blowout win. Hey, that rhymes!

BYE WEEK
A week 8 bye? Can't ask for anything more perfect than that.

Sun, Nov. 2 - Miami
The Fins are terrible. Just horribly, horribly awful. This one should be easy. Then again, so was the game in Oakland last year, so who knows? Donks should dominate, though. I'll be in the stands for this one, too.

Thu, Nov. 6 - @Cleveland
Last primetime game of the year unless NBC utilizes the flex schedule and adds us to their slate of games. This is a Thursday nighter on the NFL Network, which means me and several other people around the country will get to watch it. Yeah, I paid the extra $6 or whatever for the NFLN. It was worth every penny.

Cleveland was overhyped last year, but they're still pretty decent. They blew a frickin' shitload of cash on high-end free agents this offseason, so they're stacked and packed. Tough game. They have a special dislikin' for us in Cleveland, so hopefully everyone brings sandwiches and shit with them. I wouldn't eat in a Cleveland restaurant with a job title of "Denver Bronco"

Sun, Nov. 16 - @Atlanta
Hey, who's that old man kicking 35 yarders for the shitty Falcons? Guy looks familiar.

Sun, Nov. 23 - Oakland
Hopefully this will be a the back end of a season sweep. You know I'm going to the stadium on Raider day. I enjoy the fist-fights and arguing w/ Raiders fans, using logical quips and smart comebacks as they furrow their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.

Sun, Nov. 30 - @NYJ
I've got nothing here. It'll be the Donks last ever trip to the Meadowlands, though. So that's something, I guess. They are getting a new stadium in '09, right?

Sun, Dec. 7 - KC
Another back end of a season sweep. Yeah, that's right. KC is awful and their head coach is one of the biggest idiot clowns ever to strap a Motorola headset to his ear.

Sun, Dec. 14 - @Carolina
Other than yet another horse-hockey 11am start, I've got nothing. Is Jeff Lewis still playing for them?

Sun, Dec. 21 - Buffalo
How's Kevin Everett doing? No Elam for a "Geronimo" field goal at the end of the game anymore. Hopefully it won't come to that. I'll be one of 76K on hand for this one.

Sun, Dec. 28 - @SD
Hopefully our playoff fate and seeding have already been decided, because this is not a good place to end the season.


What does it all add up to? 14-2 and an AFC West Championship. Book it.

Something funny, guy? Why are you laughing?