Sunday, December 14, 2008

Thanks, Columbia Broadcasting System!

The geniuses at CBS flexed today's game back to the traditional 2pm (MTN) start. Traditional for Denver, that is. This has got to piss Carolina off, right? Like all east coast teams, they usually play in the early time slot. Maybe this move will take everyone from players to coaches to fans out of rhythm.

Maybe since he's got the later start, that leprechaun Steve Smith stays at the club a couple hours longer than normal, gets wasted and breaks his hand after sucker-punching a wall.

Maybe Jonathan Stewart wakes up at his regular time, only instead of going into his normal game day routine, cooks a giant breakfast and nearly chokes to death on his bacon and eggs.

Maybe John Fox will draw up some batshit crazy play that requires a running back to pitch the ball to a wideout on a reverse like that wingnut Mangini did a few weeks ago when he had an extra three hours to kill.

Maybe those rough-n-tumble Panthers fans will be too wasted to perform their fanly duties after having had three extra hours to tailgate and get into fistfights with Wilbur and Jim-Bob over which is the best NASCAR track, Talladega or Watkins Glen?

Maybe this is all a bunch of nonsense (it is). We all know the realities: Carolina is 10-3 and 7-0 at home. Even though they've played better of late, Denver's D is still borderline awful. We're giving up nearly 5 yards per carry and Carolina can pound the fucking ball down your throat. We have no one that can cover that little leprechaun I mentioned earlier (even if Champ goes today at like 85% or whatever) And seriously, let's stop sucking Dre Blight's dick just because he made a tackle he was supposed to make, yet nearly fucking blew anyway, at the goal line last week. Either Tatum Bellhop (registered trademark of the Phony Gwynn Corp.) or someone named Cory Boyd is going to get all of Denver's carries. Jay Cutler will have to have another huge game. It's going to be a tough win.

Here are two other numbers, though. 11-3 and 24-2 . The NFC South is 11-3 against the AFC West this year. Denver has all three wins. The NFC South is 24-2 at home this year. Denver has one of them.

Now, none of this shit matters one bit. It's just a little something to hold on to. Denver can win this game. All of the intangibles are in their favor. I like their chances...based on completely nothing.

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