Look at that shitty couch you're sitting on. How old is that relic? Stuffing hanging out, duct tape all over the armrest. It's pathetic.
Get a new one at American Furniture Warehouse! It's one click away. Jake Jabs has two adorable white tiger kittens you can play with, too. Shit...buy a new dining room set. Don't have a dining room? Buy one anyway and put it in storage. I don't ask for much.