Click those ads, ya cheap fucks.

Look at that shitty couch you're sitting on. How old is that relic? Stuffing hanging out, duct tape all over the armrest. It's pathetic.

Get a new one at American Furniture Warehouse! It's one click away. Jake Jabs has two adorable white tiger kittens you can play with, too. Shit...buy a new dining room set. Don't have a dining room? Buy one anyway and put it in storage. I don't ask for much.