American Century - Day 1. Cut. Dead. Last.

Tough day for the local heroes in Tahoe. Jeremy Roenick is atop the leaderboard and Brett Hull, Pierre Larouche, Rick Rhoden and Mark Rypien round out the top five. I forgot to include Rypien in the favorites, but he definitely is one.

The Legend sits tied with Dale Jarett, Kenny Lofton, Vinny Testaverde and someone named Lucas Black for 30th. Not a bunch of names you want to be associated with. Listen to some of these names ahead of John: Lawrence Taylor? Ben Wafflebooger? Wally Fucking Sczerbiak? Even Chris Chandler was able to extract a very small measure of revenge for SB XXXIII. All of them are going down. You know John's a Sunday guy.

The Coach is 55th, and one shot behind MJ. What the hell happened to his game? He hits every shot with a giant stogie in his mouth like he's a mobster or something. Also, that lame joke yesterday about Jordan and his million dollar Nassau would have been much better had I realized that Janet Gretzky was playing. She is. She's currently tied with her husband and one shot back of Shanahan.

The real story though, is The Quarterback sitting in dead last. Yeah. Last. Kevin Nealon and Charles Barkley are playing in this tournament and Cut is in last place. Here's Charles Barkley swinging a golf club:



Cutler is apparently worse than that. I know everyone can have a bad day, and I really hope that's the case here. So here's to Cut making a couple of pars (he had none today) and climbing out of the cellar. There's no way he finishes behind Barkley when it's all said and done. No way.

The Broncos are playing golf

That's right folks, its time for the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship! Love, love this event. It's always fun to watch world class athletes suck at something, and some of these guys swing a club like they're swinging a sickle. Ray Romano will clown around and be a jackass. Everyone will make fun of Charles Barkley's seizure swing and openly fellate Michael Jordan (who will have a $1M Nassau going with Wayne Gretzky). It's a good time.

Favorites include Steve Bartkowski, Al Del Greco, Grant Fuhr, Pierre Larouche, Dan Quinn, Rick Rhoden, Billy Joe Tolliver and Jack Wagner. Look for some combination of those names at the top of the leaderboard at the end of the tourney. You might see a Tony Romo or a Maury Povich string a couple of nice rounds together and sneak into the top five, but most of the time it's the ususal suspects at the top.

For the Donks, the Coach, the Quarterback and The Legend are participating. Johnboy plays to a 1 handicap, so he's got the best shot at it. He's usually in the top 15 or so. Shanny's got a nice swing, but I'm not sure how well he plays. Cut's only been playing for about a year, so he's looking at a high (low) score at a tough course.

Should be some fun stuff if you're into golf. Check back this weekend for regular updates.

Bonus points to anyone who can name the course from the photo.

Raiders fans are shoot-y rednecks

Still nothin' happening here in Bronco Town, so here's a crazy ass video of a hillybilly Raiders fan firing an assault rifle. For some shocking reason, he seems to be upset with his own franchise. I wonder why that is.

This just in:

The Denver Post is "reporting" that on June 12, Brandon Marshall got a traffic ticket for an improper lane change and failure to produce his license and proof of insurance! OMG!!!!@!!!!1!!!1!!!

Has it really come to this, Denver Post? You're reporting on traffic tickets now? Is this the Denver Post or is this the Delta County Independent? Because quite frankly, I'm having a hard time telling the two apart.


Here are some future D-Post headlines:

Brandon Marshall seen not washing his hands after leaving area restroom

Brandon Marshall eats grape at Safeway, doesn't pay for it

Brandon Marshall ignores Starbucks barista's tip-cup

Brandon Marshall spits on sidewalk

Brandon Marshall likes steak, hates peas

Brandon Marshall steps on crack, breaks Mother's back

Brandon Marhsall orders 20 piece Chicken McNuggets, receives 21, eats the difference

Brandon Marshall's aluminum-only recyling bin contains both paper AND plastic

Seriously, Post. This is some bush-league shit.

Yawn

No news. Nothing happening. No new signings, no deweys, no bastard children, no random punchings of guys at parties, no nothin'. Boring as shit. Camp opens in three weeks or so.

Until then, here's the kind of crap you can expect from me:

This Week in Cream of the Crop

We've only got two this week, but oh man are they doozies.

From Gaithright & Rasizer's, "Bronco Changed his Story" This is a detailed piece about the incident between Marshall and his girlfriend and it mentions in passing a protective order the woman had against Marshall and the girlfriend firing her lawyer. It prompted this bit of insanity:

KaySieverding writes:

It is true that some divorce and palimony lawyers in Colorado make baseless accusations of molestation in order to get an advantage in a civil matter even though that is prohibited by the Colorado Rules of Professional Conduct Rule 4.5. I can prove it. A domestic abuse restraining order was issued on me even though I didn't meet the statutory categories (see Understanding Protective Orders Colorado Bar Association web site). Jane Bennett didn't employ me, we weren't related and never lived together, and we never had a sexual relationship. We were never alone. I was not convicted of a crime involving Jane Bennett and no Colorado attorney general requested that a restraining order be issued. The restraining order was issued so that Jane and Kevin Bennett could get away with building extra buildings on their property at 710 Princeton Ave. in Steamboat Springs. Those buildings aren't even listed on the Routt County tax rolls. The lawyer who arranged this, Randall Klauzer, was primarily a divorce lawyer.

It was a really bad scene. Jane Bennett followed me around town calling the cops whenever she saw me and she would park in front of my house right next to the drive. She followed me thru Wal Mart trying to take my picture.

Now, I know Kay Sieverding. Well, I've never actually met the woman, but I'm quite familiar with her work. You know what I do for a living. She filed a bunch of crazy handwritten lawsuits based on this dispute with her neighbors. I'm talking Jonathan Lee Riches level crazy. It got so bad, a judge told her if she filed another complaint w/out an attorney's name on it he'd throw her in jail. She filed one and the judge tossed her in the pokey. He let her out on the promise that she would drop all of her nonsensical suits, but of course she didn't. I encourage you to read the updates she provides at that link. Good stuff. Some of the Sieverding mess can be found here. Scroll down to "Background"


From Woody's Mailbag, it's our old friend Horvil Tiki:

Dears Woodrow Tiberius Grandfather Woodchuck,

First quest, can I has Jay Cutler autograph? He hard to get from east coast.

Second, before Bronco draft in makey chat Denver Post you say Bronco not high on Clady. Then Bronco pick Clady. Why Bronco not high on Clady? Was they makey wrong choice before draft to makey other team think not choice? I watch youtoob and clady pan cake guy to ground hard then fall on guy as get up. Fall on guy as get up! Like ton of brick house! Mean spirit guy we need guy this makey all the plays.

Three, sorry guy in first quest. Secon rushmore Chanp Baily. Three rushmore Steve Atwater cause megaton Okoye hit on monday night, call see play before happen, I dont care what guys say he there cause that. Four is reserve Jay Cutsler and is megaton propeller arm fully upgrade diabetes checked Elway cross return to stomach of receives.

Thank you Grandfather Woodchuck. Mighty Bronco wisdom man. May no disease toad rain on family area abode.

Horvil Tiki

That might be the greatest comment I've ever read. Ever.

Terry Frei teaches me stuff

Things I learned while reading '77:

Terry's dad Jerry was the teams O-Line coach under Ralston and again later under Dan Reeves.

South Carolina's "ball coach" Steve Spurrier was the first QB cut in training camp.

Larry Csonka's old running mate from the '72 Dolphins, Jim Kiick was on the active roster for most of the season before being cut for good (he was cut in camp before being re-signed).

There were rumors of Craig Morton taking a dive in the Super Bowl, and looking at his numbers, that's not such a preposterous notion. (4-15, 35 yds, 4 INT's - a negative 11 QB rating, worst ever). He owed a bunch of cash for gambling debts and other miscellaneous bad investments. The Broncos advanced him $125K to cover some of it. Yeah he was beat to shit and had been in and out of the hospital for the previous couple of weeks, but the speculation about a lay-down remains. As a side note, one of the few bar fights I've ever been in started because some jackass was running his mouth about how John took $6M to take a dive in SB 24.

The Oakland A's were thisclose from buying out their lease with Oakland and moving to Denver. One of the suggested names? The Orange Sox. That would have been beyond excellent.

Elvis Presley bought Cadillacs for about half the Denver PD.

Also, Terry absolutely killed it in his column today.