I'll be there right after my AA meeting.

So, I'm going to the final preseason game tomorrow night. That's right suckers! I get the privilege of being in attendance for the most meaningless game on the schedule this season! Jealous? Yes, yes you are.

I've already mentioned how I got screwed out of ducats to this mega-matchup earlier this summer, but the gods have shined their lasers or happiness beams or whatever on me and I was able to score a couple of free seats to this highly-anticipated event.

The good news? They're club level ($310 face value - can you believe that shit?), I wouldn't waste my time otherwise. I probably couldn't even sell them for a third of that.

I shall get shitty drunk on booze that some poverty stricken dude has to bring to me, eat foodstuffs that some tenement-dweller has to bring me and urinate while some immigrant mother of eight holds my willy for me. Basically, the plan is to be a general all-around jackass. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I'm always way too invested and care way too much about the outcome to really get the "experience" of getting annihilated at a Donk game.

Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "Club Level Dwellers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Hercules Rockefeller?"

Hands-free piss here I come!