Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine!

Jesus. What a fucking disaster. Short of the team bus going over a cliff or an outbreak of hemorrhagic fever at the hotel they stayed in, last week couldn't have been any worse for the Donks. They got blasted by the Cowboys 31-20 in a game that wasn't even that close, but that's not really the point. I mean if you're going to blitz on every down, stunt and twist every play and try and disguise all your defensive formations, I guess you deserve to win a meaningless preseason game. We sure did make a mistake firing you 15 years ago. You showed us, Wade!

The point is that we looked like a bunch of high school kids playing, well…the Dallas Cowboys. Look at some of these offensive stats:

35 total yds rushing. 35! That’s the entire team total. Thirty fucking five yards. Henry had 25 yds on 10 carries with a fumble inside his 10. Nice work. To top it off, he’s done for the preseason with a sprained knee. A starting tailback with a lingering knee injury to start off the regular season? Sweet! Plus our #2 back went down with a hip problem. Better and better.

Jay Cutler – 7-13, 56 yds, 1 sack. He looked like a rookie. He underthrew one receiver, threw behind another and had at least three tipped at the line of scrimmage (a serious problem for Jake last year and apparently a serious problem this year). I’m starting to have concerns about the way he hesitates before making his throws. Just a qualifying concern, I still think he’s going to be sick, but a concern regardless.

Defensively we were a complete joke again. The first team D was on the field for the nearly the entire first half (except for that fat bastard Sam Adams, who not surprisingly was out of the game and entered in a pie eating contest on the sideline before the end of the first quarter – how is this guy more valuable than Warren again?) and gave up 24 points. No pass rush whatsoever, poor linebacker play, the secondary got chewed up, etc., etc.

In addition to getting our ass handed to us, we also lost a starting (and maybe our best – I can’t believe I just typed that) D-lineman for the season with a blown Achilles.

There were what, 3 bright spots this week?

Dre Bly was dominating, stepping in front of a receiver for a pick of Romo and making a crazy athletic play by poking a ball loose from a receiver running straight at him with a full head of steam.

Ramsay looks like he’ll be a capable backup. We’ll better off with Ramsay if (knock wood) Cut has to miss a game or two, than we would be if BVP was still around. Probably not as good as we would be if Jake was still around, but whatever. Brian Clark is getting too much credit though. That 90 yd TD would have been a 45 yd reception if the safety hadn’t completely given up on the play after the catch.

Nate Webster is looking better and better for that starting SLB slot. He’s relentless, moves well laterally and only lost his helmet once, so that’s an improvement I guess. They should consider moving Webster to MLB and sending DJ back to the strong side. DJ looks lost in the middle.

So you’ve got awful play coupled with a devastating injury. When you toss in the guys that got dinged in Dallas during the week: Tim Crowder, Ryan Harris, Adam Meadows, etc. it adds up to a worthless trip. Seriously, we don’t have a single game in a high temp, high humidity environment all season, so why do we send our guys to sweat and cramp it out in Texas in August? Conditioning? Please. It doesn’t make any sense. If you need the competition that badly, then go to Seattle or SF. Fuck Houston, Fuck Dallas. You're asking for guys to get hurt.

It can only get better from here.

UPDATE: We just dealt Gerard Warren to the fucking Raiders. Fuck me. The stupid talk about maybe dealing with KC for Greg Wesley was bad enough, but now we actually made a trade with the Raiders? Are you kidding me?