Monday, August 24, 2009

This Week in One Picture - Preseason Week 2

Reggie Rivers. I'm not prone to hyperbole, but Reggie Rivers is, bar-none, the absolute worst NFL analyst ever. EVER. No one's even close. Hate on Maguire, Kornheiser, Siragusa, et al. all you want, every single one of them is light years better than Reggie.

You'd need a team of mathematicians and theoretical physicists, all of them with their TI-81's blazing to calculate the number of factual mistakes and brain-damaged analytical misreads that Reggie makes in a game. It's staggering.

If I were to type up the list of Reggie's fuck-ups I made while I was watching the game on Sunday, the internet would explode, but here are a couple of examples:

1) He harped on for several plays how Coach Dipshit still hadn't let Brandstater throw a pass yet, when Tommy B's very first play was a little swing.

2) He ripped on how the Donks lined up in a running formation and then ran the ball on four straight series opening plays, then when the Donks lined up in the EXACT SAME FORMATION, said "Broncos may throw out of this."

3) He said Texas had the trademark on the phrase "The 12th Man."

4) Jaws, this guy aint. I'm pretty sure I can read and break down film better than Reggie. He verbally fellated Peyton Hillis for a stiffarm on former Donk LB D.D. Lewis, when Lewis had already been tripped up and was falling to the ground. "What a good job by Peyton!" Jesus.

Do me a favor Reggie and go back to PBS.


Adam Sivits said...

Looks like somebody hasn't read 4th and Fixed.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

I hadn't even heard of it until right now. Is it any good?

He used to write op-ed pieces for the D-Post that weren't terrible, if you like the whiny, bleeding-heart stuff.

Adam Sivits said...

I have no idea. I was working in a used bookstore in Manhattan years ago when it came out, and I thought it was just about the funniest damn thing I'd ever seen.

It's ranked #1,072,544. I have to imagine there's at least another million books out there I'd rather read than Reggie's, starting with "Carpal Tunnel: A History."

blairjjohnson said...

Yo. Your boys are 6-0, and you haven't posted in two months? HercRock still alive and well?

Craig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Craig said...

I think the Denver Broncos have a very good team this season. Denver Broncos Blog agrees and has said some very informative Broncos stuff.

Unknown said...

that was a great player i like him

Heard about State Farm Seattle

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