Figures - UPDATE

IN: Samie Parker, WR

Of course. The guy I called a "warm body" yesterday is the guy they signed. The other guy? Who the fuck knows. We now have 10 wideouts on the roster, and I don't see us adding any more before camp. Aside from Marshall and Stokley, the list is a veritable who's who of american receiving nobodies. Such luminaries as Keary Colbert, Derrick Hamilton, Taylor Jacobs, Glenn "The Truth" Martinez, Marquay McDaniel, Cliff Russell and Edell Shephard grace the roster. Now that is a list! UPDATE: Derrick Hamilton is not on this list anymore. The squad dumped him and some TE I've never heard of earlier today. They'll probably fill the void with a third punter or something.

Look, Parker's not awful. He's certainly not any worse than Keary Colbert or any of the other clowns I mentioned, but no matter how bad a year he just had, Darrell Jackson is an order of magnitude better than any of them.

It seems to me that if you've got one of the best arms in the league AND your top wideout just slashed nerves, muscles and tendons in one of his arms AND your number two wideout is white, 32 and injury prone, you should probably look at an impact type of guy at that position.

Samie Parker and Keary Colbert are not impact type of players.

I don't really understand what the fuck is going on over at Dove Valley this offseason.

Some stuff...and junk!

Hey hey, stuff...and junk (not related to Cutler/Marshall) is finally happenin.'

Looks like the Donks are looking at some FA kickers, including Mike Vanderjagrmeister and Mitch Berger. Mitch Berger? I thought Mitch Berger was Methuselah old, but it turns out he's only 35. I wouldn't mind having either of those guys on the team. As long as the "idiot kicker" keeps his mental deficiencies and booze problems off the field on Sunday, he's pretty servicable. I seem to recall Berger absolutely hammering punts when he came to town, so we'll see.

In other smart personnel decisions (if they come to fruition), the Donks are looking at FA wideout Darrell Jackson. Jackson had a down year last year, but SF is so god-awful, it's kind of hard to fault a guy for that. Just a smart, smart decision to go after him. He will likely easily be the number two guy and could fill in for Marshall if he's not ready to go by camp. This is something that should have happened before they even sniffed at Keary Colbert. The other wideout in the article, Samie Parker, is nothing more than a warm body.

The good news is that it appears that the team is starting to deal with filling some of their glaring holes. DT and the O line are next up...hopefully.

Turns out I'm going to be moving into a different palatial one bedroom apartment during draft weekend. It'll be the first draft I've missed in quite a while and I'm a little bit irritated by that. Next time I'm signing an 11 month lease.

Here we fuckin' go again

The Godfather has chimed in on Cutler's criticisms of Brandon Marshall last week. Head over to the D-Post for the video. Looks and sounds like John may have had a couple of cocktails in him at the time. Hey, that's his right. If I was John Elway I'd be drunk 24-7 and nailing 25 year old's with giant fake bulbous tits, too.

Bottom line is that John feels that Brandon's injury isn't "that big of a deal" and that any criticsm leveled at him by Cutler should have been done in private.

Cut's response:

"If I would have known it was going to be such a big story and get picked up by the national media like it did, I probably would have chosen my words a little more carefully," and "John can say what he wants...I'm not about to disagree with John Elway, but I've said from Day One, we're not the same quarterback on or off the field"

Fair enough, from both parties. John Super Bowl MVP'd his way off into the sunset nearly a full decade ago. It's a different game now. Sometimes the only way to reach a dipshit teammate is to slap his face through the media. Which Cutler didn't even really do, but whatever.

So please, let's let this fucking story die already, ok? I don't want to read any more nonsense about what Floyd Little or Randy Gradishar or Goose Gonsoulin thinks about the situation. I don't want to hear Brandon Marshall's name again until he's ready to play. LET IT DIE.

Sloooooooowwwwwwww

There's noting going down in Broncoland. Brandon Marshall got his cast off. Whoopdie-frickin'-doo.

Since it's boring as shit round here, I'm going to post maybe the most disturbing fan tribute video I've ever seen. It's some whack-job's poem about how much he loves Jay Cutler.

Topic: Good. Execution: Yes, someone execute this sick maniac.




I like at the end how he points out how not gay he is. This after mentioning how he'd like to be Jay's wife and how he's the only one that makes Jay moan. UGH

I feel disgusting. I need to take a shower.

It's a celebration, bitches!

Happy Birthday to Robert Downey, Jr., David Cross, Scott Rolen, Heath Ledger and Jamie Lynn Spears.

Jay Cutler "rips" into Brandon Marshall - UPDATE

Headlines from around the web on this day after April Fools (You didn't really think I was going to start talkin' Mammoth did you? You did? You're an idiot):

"Marshall in Cutler's Doghouse" - D-Post.

"Cutler Not Easy on Marshall" - RMN

"Broncos' Cutler calls out Marshall for suffering gash on right forearm" - ESPN

"Broncos QB rips wide receiver" - SI

"Broncos QB Jay Cutler rips troubled WR Brandon Marshall" - Yahoo



Look, fuck all of you clowns, ok? This wasn't a ripping, or a calling-out or any other stupid bullshit like that. This was a guy expressing his dissapointment with a childish teammate. Nothing more. No one is in anyone elses "doghouse." A "ripping" is what Chad Johnson is doing to Cincy or what "former wideout-uniform number 84" did to us on his way out of town.

This? This is stupid, media-driven dogshit. They took some innocuous comments like, "he's not my favorite person right now" and "I'm disspointed" and "he's gotta get it together" (or whatever the quote is) and they're trying to turn it into Hatfield v. McCoy. They're looking for any angle. Any even remotely interesting story.

Here's the video, judge for yourself.

UPDATE: I tivo PTI every day and watch it when I get home from the law factory. Guess what story number 4 was? Jesus. The Donks finally get some national pub from something other than being a terrible football team or someone dying and it has to be about this crap?

The boys over at Bronco Talk happen to agree w/ me, so there you go.

Screw the Broncos

I'm ready to call it quits with these clowns. All the on and off the field failures of this team over the past couple of years have driven me to drink. I can't take pulling for these assholes anymore.

From now on, this is a Colorado Mammoth blog. Be sure to check back regularly for interesting tidbits on Brian Langtry, Jason Wulder and the rest of your Colorado Mammoth!

For instance, did you know that the Mammoth have two guys named Chris Gill on their squad? Of course you didn't. That's the kind of insight you'll only get here at Maroon Bucksnorts.