Coach Sugar Smacks

The new coach has a particular personal trait that I find to be quite distasteful. He's a smacker. A lip smacker.

I'd like to thank Bill Belichick. **smack** I can't **smack** express in words how much he means to me **smack**...
You get the idea. It's disgusting and very irritating.

Also, the guy looks like he's 15 and his moms cuts his hair (not unlike his new QB). That's not necessarily bad, it's just not exactly confidence inspiring. Luckily we have one of the youngest teams in the league, so the "what does this kid know?" kind of crap should be kept to a minimum.

Courtesy of the monumentally retarded Drew Soicher: McDaniels is the youngest head coach in any of the "big 4" sports. Sorry, that should be "big 3 and hockey."




Some other news from the presser earlier today:

A long-overdue switch to a 3-4 . Look for Elvis and Jarvis Moss to move to OLB's, leaving Nate Webster's helmet pounding the pavement for a job.

Nothing on the D-coordinator. Everyone was wrong, the D-Post, the RMN, whoever floated the McDermott rumor, Schefter, everyone. Morons, the lot of them. He's "talked" to Nolan, but nothing is official.

He's planning on wearing a hoodie. Just like his boy, Belichick.

He's also taking over the play-calling. Meaning Jeremy Bates is probably out. Meaning Rick Dennison is definitely out. Meaning the zone-blocking scheme that we've run for 15 years is probably out.



A lot of stuff we're used to seeing is probably out. Crazy times, man. Cra-zee.

It's over

IN: Josh McDaniels, Head Coach



Good choice. The guy I've wanted since New Years Eve. The development of Jay Cutler is priority number one for this franchise and hiring McDaniels is the way to do it. Even if it means Jeremy Bates has to go.

Also IN: Dom Capers, D-Coordinator.

Former HC in Carolina and Houston, poached from NE by the new guy. Probably also means a switch to a 3-4. Almost as good a move as McDaniels. UPDATE: This might not be true. Others are saying former 49ers HC Mike Nolan will be the new DC. We'll see what happens tomorrow.


It's a new day, people.

Josh & Steve & Raheem & Jason & Bob

While Coach Taylor is clearly the correct choice, some non-fictional names are in and they're pretty much what you'd expect, except for a lone nut-job choice for a potential candidate. Here's what we're looking at:

Josh McDaniels - Offensive Coordinator, New England
Steve Spagnuola - Defensive Coordinator, NY Giants
Raheem Morris - Defensive Coordinator, Tampa
Jason Garrett - Offensive Coordinator, Dallas

These choices all make sense. As The Comish pointed out in the comments earlier, Morris is likely the Rooney Rule guy. Of everyone here, I'd like to see McDaniels or Garrett get the nod. I really think you need an offensive-minded guy when your as stacked on that side of the ball as we are.

I'd be fine with Spags or Morris, provided they left the offensive coaching staff alone, but that will never happen. No, it's gotta be an offensive guy.

Now for the crazy name:

Bob Stoops - Head Coach, University of Oklahoma

Jesus. You might as well actually hire Kyle Chandler if you're going to do that. I'm sure Bob Stoops is a fine gentleman, but I cannot stress enough how bad of an idea that is. He has zero NFL coaching experience. None. There isn't a single head coach in this league that came straight from college. The last two guys I recall making that leap were utter failures (Lane Kiffin and Bobby Petrino). This is a very bad idea.


Denver is by far the most attractive head coaching job that will be available this offseason, so we should have our pick of these guys. I'm pulling for McDaniels, even though I'm actually (checking...) 18 days older than him. Christ, I'm getting elderly.