Me, Mark and the Champ

February: The sports wasteland. The Super Bowl is over. The Pro Bowl is a bunch of idiotic nonsense. The NBA doesn't really get interesting for me until after the NCAA tourney. The NHL is hockey. The breathless orgasmic anticipation some people feel about MLB's pitchers and catchers reporting to me, is as boring as old people fucking.

If it weren't for the NBA All-Star game (Vegas baby!) and NCAA small conference tourneys, February would be the most pointless month on the sports calendar.

Since there's not a whole lot going on right now, and I hate to even think about how poorly the Nugs play without Iverson (I fear his ankle is more serious than anyone's letting on) I thought I'd share with you two encounters I've had with Broncos players.

Me and Mark Jackson:

Back in '99, I was fresh out of dropping out of college and living in the shit-hole known as Grand Junction. I was fond of frequenting establishments primarily patronized by meth-addled rednecks and trashy bar skanks. There was however, one bar that was usually full of college-aged kids and less dangerous and meth-addled rednecks. They actually played hip-hop in this particular club and the best local radio station showed up on the weekends and did live shows from there. This place was a tremendous improvement over the usual fare. So anyway, one night myself and a couple of buddies get there, sidle up to the bar and order a few beers. There’s a familiar looking dude standing by himself at the bar, checking out the crowd. The following conversation (or something similar) takes place: Me: Who is that guy? Buddy 1: That’s Mark Jackson


Me: No fucking way. Dude's like 5'5"


Buddy 2: Jackson was pretty short, man.


Me: I'm not buying it.


Buddy 1: I'll ask him.


So Buddy1 rolls up to the guy and asks him flat out if he's Mark Jackson. The guy says no. Buddy1 returns to our end of the bar where I proceed to rip on him for being a jackass.


Ten minutes later or so, the guy comes over and tells the bartender that he's buying us a round. As we're thanking him for the booze, he pulls out his NFLPA card and shows it to us. Yep...it's Mark Jackson. One of the Three Amigos. The very same Mark Jackson that caught the bullet from John for the TD after "The Drive." Heady stuff for a guy like me. So we bend his ear for a while and he answers everything we ask about the team, the players, etc. He was a great guy, really polite. He even drew up the play he scored on in the '86 AFC title game and autographed it for me. Mark stuck around for a while, hitting on the ladies and occasionally dancing. He wound up leaving with this hideous hootchie who seemed to be missing a tooth and earlier had been walking around asking dudes if she could feel their cocks (myself included....I let her)

Me and Champ Bailey

This one happened yesterday, but isn’t as exciting. And if you thought the last one was exciting, you should probably go ahead and kill yourself right now.

A few local radio stations broadcast out of the building I work in here in the DTC and apparently Champ was a guest on one of them yesterday. One of the sexateries here came running down the hall to tell me Champ was in the lobby. So I go running down the stairs into the lobby and lo and behold…there’s the All-Pro himself. Here’s the exchange:

Me: “Champ! What;s up man?”
Champ: “What’s up, baby?”
Me: “Good to see you man, have a good off-season”
Champ: “Thanks guy” (sticking out hand for some fist-bump action)
Me: “Whoa Champ….fist bumps are out”

Get wardrobe over here right away; take the Amigos' clothes

Poor Vance Johnson. It's been a rough few months for the guy.

He was arrested in Rifle (Rifle!) yesterday on a failure to appear warrant. He was due in court on Feb. 8 for some reason or another related to his 2001 arrest for writing bad checks. [If you're ever in Rifle, play golf, then hang yourself. Or keep playing golf until you die. It's your choice, but that back nine makes being in Rifle bearable for a few hours.]

Let's hope that things start moving toward the positive for Vance, who now owns VJ's Outlaw Ribs in Parachute. Wait, what? Parachute? What the hell is Vance Johnson doing in Parachute? What happened to the pretty boy diva-type that wore fur coats and big wrap-around pimp shades? Not a lot of action in Parachute. If you're there, you're either buying gas or your car broke down.

Now that I think about it, maybe I see what Vance is thinking.


In other Amigo news: Did I ever tell you about the time I met Mark Jackson? I did? Well, screw you then. I've told everyone I know that story about ten times and they're going to hear it ten more.

Excellent Three Amigos clip I found yesterday. It starts slow and the audio is piss poor, but stick it out. It's worth it.



HT: Mile High Report

Binge & Purge

A complete list of the Donks undrafted free-agent signees is out. Seven new guys total are in. Here's the list. I've never heard of any of them.

Anthony Aldridge, RB - Houston
Garrett Hartley, K - Oklahoma
Brett Kern, P - Toledo
Mitch Erickson, OT - South Dakota State (A hotbed of college football)
Lorne Sam, WR - UTEP
Wesley Woodyard, LB - Kentucky
Tyler Polumbus, OT - Colorado (of course. It wouldn't be Broncos football if we didn't sign an undrafted OT from CU)

I guess it's nice that we've got some kicking competition, but otherwise, I've got nothing on any of these guys. Enjoy the practice squad, fellas!

Unfortunately, signing a bunch of young cats means a bunch of less young cats are gonna get the ax. Here's that list.

Michael Bozeman, DT
Mark Fenton, OT (The undrafted CU OT from last year)
Paul Smith, FB
Steven Jackson, FB
William Kershaw, LB
Marquis Weeks, RB
Steve Cargile, S

Except for Smith and Cargile, there aren't any real surprises there. I really liked Cargile in the preseason last year. He got some playing time in the regular season, but didn't really do much with it. Smith was brought in to be a special teams badass, but again, didn't deliver.

Enjoy unemployment, fellas!